I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
