I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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