she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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