A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
