He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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