do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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