I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
