This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
