You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
