I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
