I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
