god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
