2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
