just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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