We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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