break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
