I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
