I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
