You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
