shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think your dad took our porno
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
