Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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