A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
