I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
