yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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