I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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