he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
