a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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