Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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