who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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