I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
