why didn't you poke me back
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
