Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
