"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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