thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
