you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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