He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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