so let's talk penis.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
