So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
