I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
