Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
