the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
