I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
