All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
