I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
