rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
