You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
