Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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