fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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