Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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