what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
