Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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