dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
