Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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