who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
