I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
