its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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