lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
