im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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