i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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