He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
