rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Drunk is a universal language darling
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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