sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize