apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
