she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
