you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
