My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
