The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize