The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
