Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
