I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She just used a chaser for red wine.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
