yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
