He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
