Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
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apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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