I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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